Is there someone in your life where you wonder, “No matter what I say to this person—no matter how many times I repeat myself—they just don’t seem to understand me?”

From your perspective, you're saying the right things and doing your best to make yourself understood. But for some reason, nothing’s working. The way you and this person communicate leads to more problems, more conflict, and more frustration.

At work, it could be a coworker, someone on your team, or even your supervisor—and your work becomes less efficient because you don't seem to get along or understand each other.

At home, you and your spouse keep having the same disagreement over and over—and for some reason, the problem just won't go away, causing more distance between the two of you.

So, what's going on? Why do problems keep coming up and tensions keep rising? And how do we resolve this conflict in a calm and healthy manner?

Here’s a helpful way to think about it: Conflicts often have more to do with personality differences than with the situation itself.

Conflict Is More Than A Disagreement — It’s Often a Personality Clash

It’s easy to assume that a disagreement stems from a specific topic or a frustrating circumstance. But most of the time, the deeper issue lies in how each person views the world—which, of course, affects how they view the topic or situation.

Naming the specific issue—whether it's with a coworker, spouse, or anyone else—is helpful. But understanding each other's personalities leads to a deeper understanding of the people involved in the conflict, which in turn leads to better communication and less conflict.

Why Do Personalities Clash?

Your personality is more than just a set of behaviors—it’s a collection of values, experiences, and beliefs shaped by your life story. And because your story is different from everyone else's, you're bound to experience conflict.

Your perspective shapes how you view the world. So, when you enter a situation with your perspective and someone else approaches it with theirs, misunderstandings are almost inevitable.

How Does Understanding Personalities Reduce Conflict?

Greater knowledge of personalities leads to better strategies for approaching and resolving conflict. When you understand where people’s personalities come from, you become more confident in fixing unhealthy patterns of communication—both in yourself and in your relationships.

Creating stable environments begins with considering your own perspective, coming alongside others, understanding how they view the world, and working together to find better ways to communicate.

3 Steps to Practice More Empathy and Resolve Conflict

1. Develop Self-Awareness of Your Own Personality

Change in your situation begins when you evaluate what you need to work on to make things better. A deeper understanding of who you are, how you respond to conflict, and how your story shapes your perspective helps you see the role you may be playing in miscommunication—and what you can do to fix it.

The next time you're having trouble communicating with someone, ask yourself:
“How am I seeing or experiencing this situation right now?”
Then ask:
“Why do I see it this way?”

2. Understand the Other Person with Empathy

Obviously, conflict can't be resolved unless you’re genuinely curious about the other person’s perspective. They have a story too—one that shapes how they see the world and how they communicate. Knowing their story helps you feel more compassion and gives you the insight needed to resolve conflict.

So if you're constantly being misunderstood, it's crucial to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask questions. Sometimes, a simple conversation about their background, family, or work history gives you all the insight you need to approach future interactions with more empathy.

This opens the door for both of you to share openly, understand where each other is coming from, and realize how your current perspectives were formed. From there, you can build a healthier relationship—with less stress and less conflict.

3. Set Clear Expectations for Communication

Now that you both have more context and a better understanding of each other's personalities, you’re ready to have a direct conversation. This conversation should focus on setting clear boundaries and developing a mutual understanding about how to communicate.

As uncomfortable as it may be, these kinds of conversations help reduce conflict in the long run. And remember: you both have complex personalities—so don’t expect everything to be solved in one or two conversations.

You’ll likely need to check in regularly to ensure you're both living up to the expectations you've agreed on. But if you remain curious about each other's perspectives, you’ll build a stronger connection over time.

Conclusion

Fostering better relationships begins when you take a posture of learning and commit to understanding others. It starts with asking important questions—about yourself and about anyone you're struggling to communicate with.

It takes effort—but you don’t have to do it alone.
Story and Style Coaching exists to come alongside individuals, organizations, and relationships—to help people understand themselves better, see others more clearly, and communicate more effectively.

Schedule a free consultation with me to discuss how to make your workplace, ministry, or marriage better with stronger relationships.